How long does it take you to cut someone loose? It takes women an average of six days to decide if it’s right. It takes guys an entire month. Most women feel life’s too short for bad relationships and when they’ve decided it’s time to end it, they just cut the rope. It seems guys always feel there’s a chance of things working out. As for the actual breakup, almost 80% of women say a quick, honest talk- like ripping off a Band-Aid- is the way to go, while nearly 90% of men plan a “careful exit strategy”. Except we don’t pay attention to it and usually end up getting caught halfway through it!
Over the weekend, Jimmy Fallon did a Polar Plunge one in Chicago where they’ve had one of the most brutal winters in their history. Once you get into the water it’s only 32 degrees, but that’s not the problem. It’s the before and after, because they’ve spent most of the winter in the teens. He did it after making a bet with their mayor. He’d come on Jimmy’s show if Jimmy took the plunge, and he did over the weekend…in his suit and tie!
Some things you just don’t brag about on social media. A promotion…okay. A clean bill of health from the doc…sure. A court ruling you were supposed to keep secret? No. That’s the lesson learned by a girl in Miami whose parents won a lawsuit against a private school and posted on Facebook, “Mama and Papa Snay won the case against Gulliver [prep school]. Gulliver is now officially paying for my vacation to Europe this summer. SUCK IT.” What she didn’t know is that her father signed a confidentiality agreement. She did exactly what the confidentiality agreement was designed to prevent, and now they won’t get the $80,000 they were originally awarded. I’m gonna guess that European vacation isn’t happening now.
Moving in with that special someone can be a trying time — especially when you start going through the things you need and don’t need and the pile of stuff in the discard pile has more of your stuff in it than hers. A new survey has been released of the ten items that women love to throw away, no matter how much it means to you. Most of the time we guys don’t even know she’s throwing it away, because she’’ll do it one little piece at a time.
1. Clothes – Say good bye to all your old, holey t-shirts you’ve had for the last ten years.
2. Magazine Collections – You should have already ditched them when you started dating plus, it’s 2014 — go digital.
3. Old Hobby Stuff – To her, it’s nothing but a pile of cheap plastic and paint, but to you, it’s your life’s work.
4. CDs and DVDs – Notice it’s not her collection of romance movies that go. Instead it’s your action and comedies, and the only reason she’ll have is that she doesn’t like watching them.
5. Sofa – This one is pretty obvious.
6. Sports Memorabilia – This is the point you realize it was all a lie. She doesn’t like sports.
7. Artwork – By artwork we of course mean those posters of half naked ladies all over your room.
8. Your computer/gaming chair – She has other ideas for how you could spend that time…cleaning.
9. Your sound system – She isn’t throwing it away because it’s too loud. She is throwing it away because it take up to much space and doesn’t fit into her floor plan.
10. Fitness Equipment – You never use them anyway.
Stay away from everyone in the office tomorrow morning at 11:45. Make it a weekly thing. Put it in your phone. Tuesday morning at 11:45 AM is the most stressful time of the work week. Researchers say nearly half of workers identified mid-morning on their second work day of the week as the moment when they’re most under pressure. You coast through Monday your brain in gear for the week, but you spend Tuesday morning doing all the things you didn’t do Monday and you realize how much you have to do the rest of the week. And, 11:45 AM is the point when everything comes to a head. thankfully by then it’s almost lunchtime and you can duck into the Mexican restaurant for a margarita.
You may get gamer thumbs doing it, but you’ll look better. You can lose weight playing mindless video games. You have to make sure it’s the right one and Tetris is it. A study (by researchers at Plymouth University) found playing for three minutes can reduce your food cravings. It can also keep you from drinking alcohol and smoking. Basically it’s replacing addiction with distraction. Among study participants with cravings, 24% said they were weakest when playing Tetris. Their need for a Xanax prescription went through the roof.
Now it’s back to flipping through channels nightly. That’s the good thing about the Winter Olympics, they gave you a place to stop for a bit and wonder what gene is someone missing that they feel it’s a good idea to zip down a tube of ice head first on a sled, and be glad that it’s one that you weren’t missing. And, even though everyone says it’s about the sport and sportsmanship we love the medal count. Even though there isn’t a trophy for taking the most golds or the most overall it gives you a sense that one country is better than the others and this time around it’s Russia. They finished with 33 medals overall, including the most gold medals, with 13. Team U.S.A. was second overall, with 28. Now you can wait 4 years before you have to act like you care about curling.
Remember “whatsuuuuupppp”?Everyone’s saying “WhatsApp” after Facebooks big buy this week. It’s an instant messaging service they bought for the bargain price of $19 billion. That’s about a buck for every message sent on it a day (20 billion messages sent per day) which is actually double Facebook messenger. Which makes sense. Most people post things on their friend’s walls on Facebook, they don’t send messages very much. That kind of takes the social out of it. But for $19 billion they probably could have bought a small European nation. Estonia is only worth $29B. I’m sure they could have found 3-4 people who could have written a message app for that much.
This is taking becoming a Barbie to a new level. Usually when women have dreams like that it involves a lot of plastic surgery to nip, tuck, suck and enhance…not make themselves as smart as Barbie who has nothing but air in her head. But, that’s what this woman in California is out to do. She she’s done all the plastic surgery but wants to take it a step further. She uses hypnotherapy sessions in the hopes that it will decrease her IQ. She says she actually wants to be brainless, and says it’s working as she’s had 20 sessions and is feeling ditzy and confused all the time.” Sounds like she was pretty dumb to begin with.
Jimmy Kimmel has done it again. Yesterday the big viral picture was a supposed wolf roaming the hall at one of the dorms at the Olympics. It was sent out by our luger, Kate Hansen, and apparently being a luger doesn’t pay and they can be bought for a cheeseburger and a flight out of Russia because it turns out the video was a set-up by Jimmy, just like the twerker that set herself on fire a few months ago. And, just like with that one, all the news channels were on it even security around the village was upped, so they bought into it, too. You know what happens to the boy who cries wolf on Twitter? It goes viral.
Click HERE to check out the vid for yourself.