Crustaceans in Her Corduroys!

Larry_The_Lobster_(Ripped_Pants)A 30-year-old Florida woman was arrested last week for allegedly putting seven lobster tails into her pants and walking out of a Publix in Volusia County without paying for them. She was caught on camera, with a store security officer tailing her as she walked past the cashiers. He stopped her as she walked out and the cops came to get her. She told cops she intended to trade the 80-plus-dollars’ worth of lobster tails for either Chinese food or prescription drugs. She’s lookin’ at jail time. Now, had she just led FSU to a National Championship it would have been 20 hours picking up garbage on the side of the road.

Panda Prognostication Prohibited

panda_eating_cAnimals are right about as often as the odds makers are. Having animals pick winners in sports isn’t anything new. Zoos across the country do it for the world series, Super Bowl….in 2010 Paul the Octopus was the official animal prognosticator for the World Cup. Pandas in China have been forbidden from predicting World Cup scores this year. The idea was to have them choose between two baskets of food, each would have the flags of countries playing one another on them. After careful consideration, it was determined the activity involved too much human interaction. This was too much, but the constant poking and prodding to get them to mate isn’t?  Maybe this is what they wait for…”Honey, not until after I see if I picked the Belgium-Algeria game right.

Lizard Baby

JaneBadlerLizardQueenAuthorities in Indonesia have launched an investigation after a woman was accused of giving birth to a lizard. Officials have sent a team of experts to the woman’s remote village where a midwife claims the lizard was born. Scientists a pretty sure the claim is nonsense plus Jane Badler is too old to have kids (look it up).

End Fathers’ Day?

endfathersdayIt was a joke. There’s no push to bring Father’s Day to an end. On Friday the hashtag #EndFathersDay went viral on Twitter. It was the doings of 4chan, a site that’s the “rude, raunchy underbelly of the Internet”. They started it saying it was a holiday celebrating misogyny, demanding appreciation and gifts for doing what a father should be doing anyway. A lot of people took it seriously. But you have to wonder how many dad’s thought it was a good idea after opening their gift?

He’s America’s Guest…

murrayIf you’re getting engaged or married go to Charleston, SC because Bill Murray could end up crashing your party. He must be there shooting a movie, but he’s getting out quite a bit. A few weeks ago he crashed a bachelor party at a restaurant and now he’s popped up in a couple’s engagement pictures. The happy couple was out with their photographer taking pictures and they were laughing uncontrollably at one point and when the photographer turned around there was Bill with his shirt pulled up, slapping his belly. That’s when they asked him to hop in a few pictures, which he did. It seems like everyone’s out to one-up people when it comes to proposals and weddings…how’d you like to be friends with this couple?

Communication Crutches

Like-You-KnowWhen you speak, if you pack your sentences with “you know,” “I mean,” and “like” you aren’t being ditzy, you’re being conscientious. A new study (in the Journal of Language and Social Psychology) says “filler words” tend to be used by people who are more thoughtful . They’re using the words to imply rephrase what they’re trying to say in an effort to ‘soften the blow.’ If you’re afraid of how someone will take what you’re going to say, packing 20 likes into it will defiantly make whatever it is you’re going to say a lot less painful to hear than it was listening to you try and get to the point.

Father Fix-it

cookies-for-dadAt some point you have to stop calling dad every time something breaks around the house. And based on this survey, that point is…when you’re well into middle age. A new survey found the average age when people finally stop leaning on their dads to help fix stuff is 41. Men are just about as likely to rely on their dads as women. 70% of men say they still call their dads for help versus 75% of women. The difference is they way guys ask. With women it’s “Dad, I need help with…” When a guy asks it starts “I was thinking you could come over and we could work on laying the floor.” Translation: I don’t know what I’m doing and you’re my last hope before…I read directions.

Hey Little Liar

liarYou lie on a daily basis. They aren’t necessarily big lies . . . but we all drop little lies here and there. What lie do you tell the most often? Here are eight of the most popular answers 

1. “My phone was on silent so I didn’t know you called.”

2. “Sorry, I don’t have any change on me.”

3. “I don’t care what people think of me.”

4. Whatever your height is . . . adding at least an inch.

5. “I’m fine” . . . whether you’re happy, sad, or anything in between.

6. “I’m on the way.”

7. “This meal was delicious.”

8. “I’ll let you know if I can make it . . . I think I might already have something that night.”

Fivebucks? Try Fiddybucks!

starbuxI feel like Starbucks is expensive enough without people figuring out ways to make it more expensive. Andrew Chifari in Dallas just broke the record for the most expensive Starbucks drink. He managed to get a single drink that cost $54.75, beating the old record by about $7…and unlike those before him, he didn’t gimmick it to make it more expensive. He kept it simple…he ordered a regular vanilla bean frappuccino and added 60 extra shots of espresso. It ended up filling a 128-ounce glass (that’s a gallon).  Then he also set another record after finishing it… fastest reading of War and Peace.